National Grammar Day: A Funny

In honor of National Grammar Day, here’s a re-run of a flash piece:

I’ll admit, I had a reputation. I was the Comma slut. They all knew I was easy with the Commas. Well, you live and learn, right?

I had one of those epiphany things and fell for the respectable, mature Semicolon. We’ve been together a long time now; it’s been good. But I’m beginning to realize he may just be an enabler; that I really haven’t changed my profligate punctuation ways at all.

As much as I love him, Semicolon’s never been quite enough; I’ve managed to hide the affair with the Parentheses for a while now. (Yes, it’s so cliché, the hot encounter between the mysterious twins. You’d do it too if you thought you could get away with it.)

Thing is, I met Em Dash at a club the other night. He showed up with En-Dash and that should have been my warning right there. En-Dash is always trying to stick people together.

I really was just there for some innocent(ish) fun. It was Colon’s birthday and, come on, she’s as solid and predictable as they come — I’m still not quite sure how we talked her into that particular armpit anyway.  (I think exclamation point had something to do with it.  She’s so damned excitable sometimes you just do what she says so she’ll shut up already!)

So there he is, so dashing and exotic. Jesus but words just failed me – and I really hate it when they do that, the bastards. But Em Dash. So flexible and, well, don’t kid yourself, length does matter.

Apostrophe almost saved me. He’s such a spaz, always showing up everywhere, butting in, all OCD about everyone’s possessions, always there when someone drops something, and then bitching about everyone using him too much. Maybe I knew Em Dash was trouble for me and did that Freudian thing ’cause I dropped my purse twice and there’s Apostrophe, right there where it fell. “Hey hon’, it’s your purse again.” Yeah. And Em Dash looked away.

But I touched his arm and he was mine again. I shouldn’t have done it. I should have turned to Period. He was right there, and he’s seriously straight-laced. Just so definite and absolute about everything. I could have used him as a full stop to the whole situation; a cold shower. I didn’t.  I couldn’t. I didn’t stay until the morning, if that matters. Ellipsis came to pick me up at god-forsaken a.m. because she’s a sucker for innuendo and I didn’t tell her… much.

I don’t have his phone number — cause I didn’t ask for it, so wipe that smirk off your face.

Call me whatever you want; it’s my life not yours. And my sentences thankyouverymuch.

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15 Responses to National Grammar Day: A Funny

  1. Lovely, dear. Just lovely. 🙂

    C xx

  2. Have you told semicolon about em dash yet? You’ll feel better once you do.

  3. Jeff says:

    I feel like such a nerd for finding this cute and amusing.

    Personally – I’m an en dash man myself.

  4. 😀 This was just silly fun born of frustration while editing.

  5. Shane Arthur says:

    Ahhhh! A writer that LOVES to write! I don’t see it often, but when I do I appreciate it. Write on.

  6. *DIES*

    WELL. THIS is awkward. I hope you enjoyed your time with Em Dash – if you even remember after all the booze you downed – because he’s run back to me after one night with you! You can HAVE your Semicolon, and you leave my Em Dash ALONE.

    *HEADDESK* ROFL.

    😛

  7. OMG I LOVE this!! 😀

  8. DL Thurston says:

    I’m still a comma slut, and quite notorious within my writers group for being such. It’s my one weird weakness. I’ve been sent articles on proper usage, had my usage corrected any number of times, but I’m just a lost cause.

    As for the em dash, I don’t believe it actually exists. I can’t accept that there’s multiple horizontal lines that have different meanings based on lengths that can only be determined in direct comparison to each other.

  9. Leah, that was hot! You had your way with all those little critters, didn’t you!
    Loved it 🙂

    Cheers,

    Mitch
    Mitchell Allen recently posted..SpellcastersMy Profile

  10. A few of my personal blog website audience have got were not impressed with our net internet site broken appropriately inside Ie but appears wonderful throughout Stainless. Does one particular may have any type of ideas to support fix this difficulty?

  11. Wilma Osnoe says:

    What makes the words consequently tiny, i can not observe anything at all.

  12. Truly, really, really, like this twine! …Thank you

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