A Day in the Life of a Writer
1. Wake up in the morning and check your email.
2. Greet your Significant Other/Cat/Dog/Armadillo.
3. Check your email again and then IMMEDIATELY refresh your inbox just incase you missed something.
4. Refresh one more time just to be absolutely sure!
5. Step away from your email for a moment only to glance back right before the screen is out of sight. You can never be too sure.
8. Remember that your trusty Smart-Phone-of-Choice also houses your email!
9. Refresh Refresh Refresh.
10. Remember that you have to go to work.
11. Reluctantly step away from your inbox to change but run back every few seconds just to check.
12. AN EMAIL OMG I ONLY STEPPED AWAY FOR A SECOND AND THERE IT IS!!
13. Gleefully open email!
14. DAMN YOU BORDERS IF YOU SEND ME ONE MORE EMAIL ABOUT THO– Oh! It’s a coupon! BUT STILL WHAT THE HELL BORDERS STOP TEASING ME.
15. Duck out remorsefully to brush your teeth or somesuch.
16. Realize you need to use the bathroom but consider abstaining so you may stay closer to your inbox.
17. Compromise by convincing yourself something magical will appear in your inbox during your absence.
18. Busy yourself with thoughts of MAGICAL emails appearing in your inbox whilst in a state of being-in-the-bathroom.
19. RUN BACK TO YOUR INBOX because it’s been a WHOLE 5 MINUTES YES YOU COUNTED and expect to find yourself completely overwhelmed by the full requests/agent offers/book deals/free money/etc. that have been waiting ALL THIS TIME for the exact moment you take a 5-minute bathroom break to appear in your inbox. TRICKSY INBOX!
20. Feel your hopes and dreams COMPLETELY shattered because you built such high expectations for your return from the bathroom.
21. Click on the one email in your inbox.
22. It’s from THIS GUY.
23. Consider breaking your computer….