I’m telling you, I’m scared to call it this week, after blogspot totally embarrassed me last week by holding two votes until after I’d declared it.
Well, this week it isn’t quite so frantic a race to the end and I think… I think at this point in the evening I’m safe. Watch for a retraction tomorrow. 😉
Five Minute Fiction Week Four‘s winner is: JEFF PFALLER! (Don’t ask me how to pronounce it, I don’t know.) Otherwise known as (the equally un-pronounceable) @pfallerj.
Fantastic, tear-jerking entry this week. So beautifully done, and in only five minutes! Wow. I bow to the skill and artistry. Reposted below is his winning entry.
Congratulations, Jeff! We’ll all be tweeting and blogging about you and you’ll soon be very (semi, ok, not really) famous!
See everyone next week and thanks for participating/voting!
Jeff’s Winning Entry:
“That can’t be real. No way.”
“It does kinda seem too good to be true.”
“Look at the report again.”
“We’ve looked at it a thousand times already. It’s not changing.”
My right hand trembled, her left mimicked the twitch. The piece of paper nestled between our hands crackled like electricity, and my heart jumped a little at the thought of it ripping in two.
“Let’s call somebody.”
“Do you remember what happened last time?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Right. There’s no way I am going through that again.”
“People will understand.”
Sure, I thought. People always understand. But I never miss the faint downturn of their mouth. I can almost hear their thoughts aloud.
Why do you two put yourselves through this over and over again? Just give up. It’s better for everybody. They think, thank god I don’t have their problems. At least my life isn’t delusional.
“God, if this is real. I don’t…I don’t even want to let myself believe it.”
I looked into her eyes, and there was hope. Here, in this moment, none of our past failures or shortcomings existed. Her pale lips trembled with joy, her eyes on the verge of bursting forth with tears.
For the moment, I guess I could forget everyone else too. I said a short prayer to God, Jesus, Krishna, whoever happened to be listening.
“Please let us be happy.”
She clutched the fertility report to her chest as I pulled out of our parking spot.
“What are we going to name the twins?”
Congrats, Jeff! It was a lovely entry! Leah had some fantastic entries on this week’s contest!
Thanks again, Leah, for letting me guest-judge!
Pfaller = Faller – the “P” is totally silent.
Very honored to have won in a week of such stiff competition. It keeps getting better and better!
Nicely done, sir! I liked that the dialogue was spare, and carried most of the story. Exposition at a minimum. Well-crafted, for sure.