Shattered – #FridayFlash July 9, 2010

I wrote this one for a challenge. The parameters: a drabble, thriller/horror, must reference baseball.

Shattered

He is dead and I killed him.  Murderer.  The big house.  Don’t drop the soap.

Adrenaline fades. I tremble. The baseball bat slips from sweaty hands and clatters on the garage floor.

It was his fault!  If he’d just done what I asked him for the first time in his fucking existence!

Dispose of the body.

Tears blur everything.  Why did he make me do it?  I loved him.  I loved him.  Why?

Storm.  I’d teased him about the name.  But so like him.  Mercurial, unpredictable.  Beautiful.

Oh God!  How can I function without my beloved, my broken BlackBerry®?

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17 Responses to Shattered – #FridayFlash July 9, 2010

  1. noooo, poor blackberry!
    Mine’s quite well behaved, but perhaps I’d better start keeping an eye on it 🙂

  2. Shortly after I wrote this I replaced my BB with an iPhone. Coincidence? I think not.

  3. John Wiswell says:

    It ends humorously, but it opens with greater intensity than any drabble I’ve read in recent memory. The cliches actually help the worried tone. Then, of course, you won big points with the closing gag.

  4. Marisa Birns says:

    Thank goodness that it ended with such humor! It didn’t look good for the murderer who was surely headed to the Big House. 🙂

    Poor Blackberry. Storm, indeed.

  5. Heh. It was fun to write. Thanks all.

  6. Good one. Great lead up and an absolutely killer last line. Well done!

  7. BWA-HA-HA-HA!!!! Ha, technocide! The eternal crime where we struggle to master the promethian fire of intelligence! Short, sweet and CLASSIC. Very well done.

  8. Can I get one of those bats? 🙂

    Very well written and fun story.

  9. I love the surprise ending. Great job with this challenge.

  10. marc nash says:

    You went yard on a blackberry? Hilarious

  11. Sam says:

    Loved it! You had me right from the first line, and the reveal was very well done. I’ve never owned a Blackberry, but there is one in the family and I suspect it’s owner would be just as heartbroken as your MC should anything happen to it.

  12. Gary Ponzo says:

    You had me at “He is dead”

  13. Thanks everyone! I didn’t think I’d do well on that challenge at all because I’d never written a Drabble and I don’t write or read horror/thriller at all. Of course, I went silly with it but I was pretty happy that I managed it. And now I’m in love with Drabbles.

    We should do a Drabble contest on day. Hmmmm…..

  14. LOL! Oh, I have felt that impulse many a time, except I have a Bold. Great short piece!

    CD

  15. Funny how we can get so mad at inanimate objects. 😉 Thanks Cecilia.

  16. Valerie says:

    Te absolvo, unnamed protagonist. I’m sure the Blackberry had it coming. Time to trade up to an iPhone or an Evo.

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