This piece is part of the #SuicideNotes project and was originally written by Richard B. Wood as part of a #5MinuteFiction challenge. He generously offered it to me for this project. I’ve tweaked it so that it fits the style of the other Notes, but the original story is Richard’s.
This is the end. I’ve got it right, I think.
I looked into this.
I made the decision and I did the research into how to get it done right.
I’m such a pussy, ‘cause I really don’t want to feel it.
There’s sleeping pills. But convulsions and vomiting… no thanks.
Hanging myself. Sounds painful…besides shitting myself while gasping for that last breath is too disgusting for words.
Drowning myself…well I don’t have the courage for that one either. Sucking in water in a blind panic for my last minute of life? No.
There were some exotic concoctions of drugs I could use…a la Jack Kevorkian…but I can’t get those without a medical license.
So, putting a high caliber pistol into my mouth and pulling the trigger is the ‘best way to go.’
I suppose there is such a thing. The best way to kill yourself.
And I got this pretty .357 Magnum. Silver. Like something from the old west. Seven days to get it. But what’s seven days to a law abiding no-chance taking pussy like me?
I tried to kiss Jimmy goodbye but he wanted to play lightsabers before bed. So I did. Then I kissed him and tucked him in.
Anna wanted me to tell her a story. The stories I always make up for her. It’s the only creative thing I’ve ever done in my life. I went on and on about a princess and a dragon, and my little girl clapped and laughed and squealed in all the right places. I kissed her for the last time.
I told Vickie I was going out.
Fuck you. That was her goodbye.
I don’t blame her.
I’ve always loved this park.
I’ve been here an hour now and still crying like the pussy I am.
I can’t do this. My babies will be devastated. But tomorrow, my soon-to-be-ex-wife and I were gonna tell the kids about the divorce. I can’t bear to think of the way they’ll…I just can’t face it.
She’ll get them anyway. After what I’ve done, I’ll be lucky to get even visitation rights.
Crying like a pussy.
I made this decision already. I’d rather remember them as I last saw them. Happy, playful and full of love for their dad.
Their smiles were the last good thing I saw.
Come to papa, .357.
James Michael Hanover, 42, of Masonboro, died January 2, 2010.
He was born August 22, 1967, a son of the late Abraham Herman Hanover and Tina Fay Hanover, who survives.
He is survived by his wife, Victoria Megan Hanover; a son and a daughter, James Michael Hanover, Jr. and Anna Leigh Hanover; and a sister, Julie Melissa Carter.
Services will be held at St. Peter Catholic Church.