#5MinuteFiction Week 58

What is 5MinuteFiction, you say? It’s an adrenaline-fueled, instant-gratification sort of writing contest. Sound fun? Great! Get in there and get dirty!

The Rules

* You get five minutes to write a piece of prose or poetry in any style or genre

* You must start your entry with this sentence: “You sure you want to do that, chief?”

(Note: The prompt is the word. The picture is for decoration/inspiration.)

* Post your entry as a comment to this post.

I’ll close the contest at 1:45. That gives you 5 minutes to write and ten to accommodate the vagaries of relative time, technology, and the fickle internets. If you are confused or just want to whine, feel free to email me.

At the close of the contest, this week’s guest judge, BigAl, @BooksAndPals, (find him on Facebook), indie book reviewer extraordinaire, will nominate five finalists.

I’ll put the nominees in a poll, and at 9:00 EDT tomorrow I’ll close the poll and declare the winner.

For updates, you can subscribe to my RSS Feed, “like” my Facebook Page, or follow me on twitter.

What’s the prize? Well, nothing, obviously. But we’ll all agree to tweet and/or blog about the winner of today’s contest so their fame and fortune will be assured.

A Few Notes:

* In the interest of time and formatting, it’s best to type straight into the comment box or notepad. It’s also smart to do a quick highlight and copy before you hit “post” just in case the internets decide to eat your entry. If your entry doesn’t appear right away, email me sometimes comments go into the suspected spam folder and I have to dig them out.

* I reserve the right to remove hate speech or similar but I’m not too picky about the other stuff.

* This is all for fun and self-promotion. So be sure to put your twitter handle at the end of your post and a link to your blog if you have one.

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22 thoughts on “#5MinuteFiction Week 58”

  1. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”

    No, no I’m not sure at all. What I am sure of it that I’m not sure about anything right now. No brain left. Between the hangover, and the extra special headache on top of that from all those pretty but really-damn-loud fireworks, and the insane amount of work that multiplied like rabbits on my desk over the long weekend… Yeah. I’ve got nothing.

    “It’s a bad idea.”

    Of course it’s a bad idea. If it was a good idea, do you think I’d be having it right now, the state my head’s in? Good ideas are for pussies.

    “It will ruin everything!”

    I sure hope so.

    “You’re going to regret this.”

    Probably. But, just now, as I throw the lit match on my gasoline-soaked desk, the paperwork, the old-as-the-dinosaurs computer they ‘couldn’t replace at this time,’ and that memo from that son-of-a–. Yeah, right now, I’m not regretting nuthin’.
    Leah Petersen recently posted..Because I Said So: When the Hero Comes HomeMy Profile

  2. “You sure you want to do that, chief?” I asked, looking at my husband who was valiantly trying to fix the sink.

    His voice was muffled from inside the cabinet but I could make out “It’s gotta get fixed, doesn’t it?”

    “Erm, yeah, but shouldn’t you look at the instructions first?” I was biting my lip trying to avoid laughing. Neither one of us were handy around the house but we were determined to try. I always looked at the instructions first, even going as far as Googling videos just so I had an idea of what I was doing.

    My dear husband’s approach was a little more direct, and usually ended up a little more expensive.

    He dug in there with a ratchet, some pliers, a bucket, and vice grips … basically anything he thought might work to help fix the problem.

    The bucket was probably the most useful tool he had with him.

    “How hard can this be? I just need to tighten up this bolt here and adjust thi-”

    My husband’s voice was cut off by the sound of rushing water, specifically running water slashing all over my husband.

    “Son of a bitch!” my husband sputtered, wiggling out from underneath the sink as fast as he could. Once he was out of the way, the bucket went in, woefully too small to hold back the onslaught of water that was pouring out of the pipes.

    With a snort, I ran downstairs and shut off the main water supply to the house and grabbed a bunch of old towels. At least my kitchen floors would be clean later today.

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  3. “You sure you want to do that, Chief?” Tori asked the dark bay horse, as she felt his body tense under her. The horse just rolled his eyes and leapt in to the air, kicking out his hind feet. After repeating the bucks a few more times, the horse stopped. He stood there breathing hard. Tori reached over from the saddle and petted his sweaty neck.

    “I don’t know why you think we need to go through this every time we ride. We have been doing this for weeks.” Tori sat up in the saddle and gently asked Chief to move forward. With a big sigh, the gelding started walking. “See, this isn’t as bad as you make it out to be.”

    After working with Chief for thirty minutes, Tori dismounted and walked to the arena entrance. Chase stood there leaning on the gate watching her.

    “I can’t believe he pulled that bucking stunt again.” Chase said as he opened the gate for the pair.

    “But we are making improvements. This time he only bucked 4 times. That is fewer than the previous time I rode him.” Tori stopped outside of the gate to wait for Chase. “Hopefully in the next few weeks, Chief will decide that bucking is stupid.” Chase rolled his eyes as they walked to the barn to put the horse away.
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  4. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”

    No way he asked that. I felt like I was in some really bad cowboy movie. You know, the ones they only play late at night or in the middle of the day when no one else could possibly be watching? The ones that are only in black and white.

    What business of his was it if I did things my way? I looked at his face – deeply tanned, wrinkles had settled comfortably into place, thinning hair turning white. All that time in the sun, he was probably not much older than me. What business did he have questioning what I did.

    It was so typical. Here I’d come out to the desert to get away from all that back in the city. At home, I could never get a moment’s peace – someone was always questioning what I did or how I did it. If it wasn’t the umpteen bosses vulturing around the cubicles at work, waiting for someone to pounce on, it was the wife wanting me to ‘participate’ more in the running of the household. Essentially, that meant doing anything she wanted him to do instead of relaxing on the sofa for an hour after work.

    So now he’s in the middle of nowhere, about to undertake a peaceful journey of solitude and there’s this old guy, questioning him even here.

    “Yeah, I’m sure,” I told him.

    Now, as I sit here in the true middle of nowhere – nothing but sand, a few lizards and a scrubby bush providing almost no shade, not even my broken down car in sight anymore on the horizon, blazing sun overhead – I have to wonder, maybe I shouldn’t have been so sure.

    Wendy Strain recently posted..Identifying the HeroMy Profile

  5. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”

    Perry turned around to look at the young man with the shocking red hair looking at him.

    “How many times do I have to tell you, don’t call me that?” he said. Then, he returned to the task at hand.

    “You got it, chief,” the young man said. “But, still, this doesn’t seem like a good idea to me.”

    “And that’s why I’m in charge, and you’re not,” Perry said. He tried to concentrate, and rand a hand through his white hair. Sometimes, he just felt like he was getting too old for this shit. Maybe he just needed to admit to himself that this was a young man’s game, and get out while he still could.

    “If you say so, chief,” the young man said.

    Perry swung around and grabbed the young man by the collar. He hauled him across the ground to look him in the eyes.

    “Jimmy, so help me, you say that one more time, and I am going to rip your nose off! You got it?” Perry said.

    “Sure thing, ch… er… boss?” Jimmy said.

    “Perry,” he said, “just call me Perry.”

    “Yeah, Perry, sure,” Jimmy said, pulling away and straightening out his sweater vest. Sweater vest. Really, who wears those anymore, never mind to this kind of job. It was kids like Jimmy that kept Perry in the game, really. I mean, the kid had potential, sure, but without someone with experience to mold him, what good was that potential going to do him? Nothing.

    “having trouble here, gentlemen?” a voice said from above them. They both looked up to see a man floating above the ground in red and blue tights.

    “Damnit,” Perry muttered. This was the last thing he needed.

    “Captain Valiant,” Jimmy cried. Then he started to run, but Perry tripped him up with his crowbar.

    “Sorry about the kid, Captain,” Perry said as he stepped away from the vase he was trying to pry open. He’s knew to all this.”

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  6. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”

    “I don’t see you suggesting a better way out of here.” The colonel looked at the panel of oak and brass, well labelled to exactly what horrible things lay beyond.

    “Isn’t that just the problem? At least in here we’re, well, in here.” The major gestured to the ship surrounding them, the modern marvel of engineering that sailed gracefully between its ports of call. It was a wonder to behold, a wonder to pilot, and a wonder that it ever even functioned to begin with. Now? Now it would be a wonder if they got out alive. The pitching was breaking down, and the whole of the ship was filling up fast.

    “Can’t stay, major. The only hope is out there. Now suit up, and get ready.”

    The suits would provide them protection for the short term, the life boat a little more, but the whole endeavor relied on them being found. It was impossible to say how long that would be. But their course was known, and there really was no alternative but abandoning ship.

    “Roger, chief.”

    The colonel secured his helmet without another word, and let loose the hatch. The slow flood sped up, forcing the officers against the far wall, but as the pressure equalized they could swim out. Behind them the ship foundered, tilted, and broke in on itself. It was built to provide a break between two worlds, one of air and one of liquid, it was never meant to survive full flooding.

    And then the major turned back, and looked at the new life around him, this place where they would pray for rescue. He saw what he was sure was the earth, and kept just looking at it as he bobbed and swayed in the aether.

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  7. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”

    I hated it when he called me that. Dad always thought it was cute, a flashback to his younger days, but Grandpa kept saying it even though he knew I hated it. What kind of grown up behavior was that?

    “You’re only five,” Mom said when I complained. “It makes Grandpa happy. Does it really matter that much?”

    “Hey, chief!” Billy Ross said as I came out the door with my mit. All the neighborhood kids were there, too, so I knew I was done for.

    “Chief!” they all echoed.

    I did my best to keep a straight face but inside I was fuming. Stupid Grandpa.

    Only three more days until the big softball match with our rivals the Brookside Terriers. Brookside and our own neighborhood, Kirkwood, had always been rivals–competing for resources from the city, local awards, championships–and we were determined to continue our five year streak and slaughter the dogs.

    “If anyone can do it, you can, Chief.” The high pitched voice cut through the others and I turned to see Mary Watkins smiling her cute smile at me. Instead of getting mad I melted. Why’d she have to be here to join in that, too?

    I’d always had a thing for Mary. Leading the team to a win as pitcher might help me win her over. She seemed to only have eyes for Johnny Lakes, but he was old enough to not pay her any mind. She needed a man her own age, and I figured I was perfect for the job, if only…

    “Okay, chief, let’s get this practice rolling,” Billy said as we reached the field a block down. Kids trailing behind us like a Hollywood star’s entourage or rock band’s groupies.

    “Can you just stop calling me that, please?”

    “What, chief? It’s a term of respect. Pitcher’s our leader, after all.”

    I sighed and wound up as he stepped to the mound. Couple of my fast balls ought to wipe that smirk away. They all respected me once my arm went into action.

    But then something happened. Mary again, smiling from the fence. “Let him have it, chief!”

    I lost my focus. My arm twisted. The ball curved. Glass shattered. Everyone ran, leaving me alone to face Old Mister Johnson as I stood there frozen, knowing I might never pitch again.

    @BryanThomasS http://bryanthomasschmidt.net/blog/

  8. “You sure you want to do that, chief?” the deputy asked.

    Juan Corrinda paused in what he was doing and looked at his deputy, his eyes drilling deep into the young man’s as he considered the statement.

    “You got something on your mind Mathews?”

    Todd Mathews, containment specialist for the highly select team they were on didn’t flinch from the sheriff’s eyes.

    “You know we haven’t received the all clear on that,” he replied. “Contamination could result in tens of thousands of incidents.”

    Section Chief Corrinda looked at the security locker as sweat ran down the side of his face.

    “Yeah,” he sighed, “you’re right.” He turned to face Mathews. “I know it’s a drill and all but I guess it’s a good thing you were here.”

    Mathews squeezed gently on the trigger and the silenced pistol chirped. Juan Corrinda slumped against the security locker without another sound.

    “Yeah,” Mathews said under his breath, “good thing.”


  9. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”

    “No choice, we’re dead no matter how you cut it. Better at our own hands than theirs. Help me turn the handle.” Dale replied. Nothing like having his brother, Zack, question his abilities.

    Dale’s hand reached out for the right side of the circular handle. Zack grabbed the other side.

    “Now listen, when we open this hatch, it’s gonna suck us through quicker than soda through a straw. Could knock us unconscious. Could rip our helmets off. Be ready. Once we get oriented, turn on your jet pack and set your bearing to .456. That should take us to our ship.”

    “What if one of us is knocked out. Then what?” Zack asked

    “We can’t worry about each after that. Once we’re out there, don’t worry about me and I won’t worry about you. On my count, turn the handle. 1 – 2 – 3!” Dale yelled.

    They turned the handle clockwise. At first, it moved slowly, but as they loosened it’s tightly closed grip, it moved fast. Before they had a chance to open it all the way, the vacuum of space sucked it out along with Zack and Billy. The force of the pulled whipped them out and they slammed into each other. The force didn’t knock them out, but they faced each other; their helmets touching.

    “Jetpacks on,” Dale said.

    But before they could do anything, they saw the crack caused by their collision in their helmets. They only had seconds to say goodbye, and neither had a chance.

    Twitter: @byoung210
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  10. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”

    Chief Kisecawchuck looked down at the blankets he was holding, intended for the new white visitors, then back up at his old friend Muscowequan. “Why wouldn’t I? They need our help.”

    Muscowequan sighed, watching his squaw grinding the maize with her pestle and mortar. “Nothing,” he said. “Just a feeling.”

  11. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”

    Tommy Morelli’s hands clutched at the fuzzy toupee, looking for all the world like he petted an electrocuted porcupine. But it was my rug — my good luck piece — and I couldn’t let him toss it like just a piece of junk. His future depended on it just as sure as mine did.

    He didn’t say a word, just edged closer to the fire pit.

    “Take it easy. Just . . . let’s talk about this.”

    “It’s a crutch!” he screamed. “You don’t need it, Gino!”

    I palmed my bald head, smooth as a baby’s ass under my hand. I only wore the damn thing outside the house, just like the seer had bade me. Baldness was nothing to be ashamed of — I knew that. Did he really think I wouldn’t rather soak up the fresh air into my skull? But no, the wizened old lady with the magic mole told me to wear it, so I did.

    “One toupee to rule them all,” she’d cackled. Then she’d cleared her throat and said, “Well, what I mean is — just wear it, and you’ll keep you and yours safe.”

    Who can argue with logic like that? I hadn’t worn it that one time, and Mama had gotten run over by a flock of geese. Pecked her to death, they did. It wasn’t pretty. I learned my lesson good.

    But Tommy, he couldn’t be moved by reason.

    “Give me back my rug, or . . . or . . . I’ll shave your head when you’re sleep.”

    His kept hold of the toupee but touched his dark hair, just to make sure it was still there, I supposed. The sneer on his face had my stomach clutched with nerves.

    Just like those slow motion scenes in movies, he stepped to the pit and tossed in the wig. The flames reached up to claim it, and I screamed.

    Out of no where, a cow stormed out of the woods and knocked him in after the toupee, sending me scrabbling toward the edge. The scent of burning flesh and synthetic hair drove me back.

    I collapsed. “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

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  12. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”
    A toe stabbing the dirt. A dusty cough. A wince. A battered eyelid shuttered against the hot sun.
    “You s…”
    “Of course, I’m sure, you idiot. What else are we gonna do?” The chief muttered.
    Around them the air was swirling from a minor dust devil.
    The Deputy slid down against the patrol car until his butt slammed into the dirt.
    “I can’t do it with ya, chief. She’s my sister-in-law. That’s family. There’s your job, and then there’s your family. I’m sorry”.
    In a fit of pique, the chief kicked some dirt against the tire. Some landed on the deputy. Intentional? Accidental? Who cares?
    “Crap, crap, crappity crap…” The chief checked his gun and made sure the safety was off.
    He pushed himself up against the side of the car and stood straight again. He cupped his left hand around his mouth like a makeshift bullhorn.
    “Emily? This is Chief Rankle.”
    “I know who ya are, chief, I diapered ya more than once!” came the strong voice from the trailer.
    “Ok, so you ah… know I got no choice. ”
    “oh, everybody’s got a choice, Willard. Everybody’s got a choice”.
    “now, you agreed, Em. You swore.”
    “A woman can be moody if’n she wants”.
    “well, that’s as may be. But the fact is, Roger is standing there in a tux, and he aint gonna leave”.
    “A tux?”
    “So, um… is he cleaned up all nice and all?”
    “Yeah, just come on Emily, we ain’t got much time.”
    A click as the door opened. An elderly woman in a somewhat used wedding dress walks out, carrying a shotgun.
    “Put the gun away, Emily,” the chief shouted.
    “Nope, a woman’s got to have her a little protection”
    “Oh boy,” the deputy sighed” This is going to be a PERFECT day!”

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  13. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”

    Chief turned to me with his awkward glare before galloping down the hillside to his waiting army. Mohawk Barbie clutched the rains of her pink pegasus and screamed “WAR!” as she flew around in circles above the encampment. Leonardo grunted while he clashed his swords together while the other ninja turtles hopped lightly on the balls of their feet, ready for action.

    Chief regarded his men carefully before he announced his plans. “War,” he whispered to the wind, which carried his command softly through the group. Their response carried much further as their cries were heard across the field of battle to their enemies on the other side. The Care Bears formed a long line across the valley, ready to stare their enemies down.

    Chief nodded, knowing he would lose many men tonight, but he was intent on sending those damn bears back into the clouds where they belong.

    “My care bears are going to destroy you!” Jaime giggles maniacally.

    “No way, sis. Chief is taking you guys down!” Jaime laughs again but we’re running out of time, so I focus on the carnage ahead of us. We’ve got five minutes before we have to leave for school, and the battle’s not yet won.

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  14. “You sure you want to do that chief?” Pete asked me in a whisper, my face so close to his I could feel his cool breath on my cheek. Every little hair on my arm stood at attention. Every nerve ending in my body humming for his touch.

    “You don’t…” I hesitated and started to pull back. I though he wanted this kiss, I thought we both did. I was starting to loose my nerve.

    “We can’t” Pete said, still whispering, his breath teasing my jaw.

    “Why not?” I asked, my voice mimicking his. Even though I knew what the answer was. We were both attached. Both spoken for. Even though we were unhappy in our relationships were weren’t the type of people who wanted to hurt others. “Because of them?” I asked.

    Right then Pete looked at me like I had never seen before, a look that contained all the answers. We would make this work, we would find a way.

    And just like that he pulled my lips to his for our very first kiss. It was electric. It was nothing I had ever felt before.

    And that is exactly the way we told the story to our grandkids.

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  15. “You sure you want to do that, chief?”
    Lazy Horse stood on the edge of the cliff. “Why do you call me chief, Flightless Bird?”
    Flightless Bird hesitate before addressing him. “Because we are a tribe and you are our leader.”
    “Is a tribe not more than two?” Lazy Horse replied, Flightless Bird shrugged in response. “But you are right and if I do this we shall be more.”
    He lifted the flaps of hide behind him and leaned into the wind.
    “What if you fail Chief?” Flightless Bird asked.
    “Then you shall be Chief, Flightless Bird and you will find someone who will guide you to greatness as you have guided me.” Lazy Horse looked to the valley below, then to the far reaches of the prairie beyond. He closed his eyes and lept, gliding heroically and gracelessly screaming to the unforgiving ground below. A puff of dust arose from where the former Chief learned that he could not fly.
    Flightless Bird shrugged and turned away. He knew there was camp within a two nights hike. There was always a lonely brave that he could cull.

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  16. “You sure you want to do that, chief?” The red shirted security officer addressed Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott, Chief Engineer of the Starship Enterprise.

    Scotty smiled. Oh, how many times he had heard that. But he had patience for the young pups…

    Up to a point.

    This particular security officer was new. Somehow, he had missed out on the “Respect for your elders” lesson at his father’s knee. He had also missed the “Respect for those who outrank you” lectures (plural) at the academy.

    The alien artifact was elegant even though the technology was completely foreign to him. It took him only three minutes to figure out that the device was a public transportation device, much like their own transporter. Why the technologically advanced city had been abandoned was still a mystery, as everything seemed to still be in working order.

    “Chief, I really don’t think that’s a good idea…” the young pup said for the tenth time.
    Scotty grinned mischievously. The security officer was standing exactly in the target zone.
    “Oh, will ya look a’ that.” The engineer said loudly and theatrically. I wonder what happens if I push this button?”

    With a fizz and a pop, the red shirt disappeared. Scotty checked the target map, and saw that the young man had arrived at another station just over the horizon. Close enough to be safe, but far enough away for him to get a good healthy panic worked up.

    That particular security officer was not assigned to guard the engineering team again.
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  17. here it is again crosses fingers that it works this time
    SheilaghLee @SweetSheil http:sheilaghleeblogspot.com

    Double Cross
    “You sure you want to do that, chief?”
    “Yes that bastard thinks she can get away with murder.”
    “But she’s the Mayor.” I protest
    “So does that give her carte blanche to take out a rival?” Carl Higgins the chief of police states to me.
    “We don’t have enough proof to take this to a judge to get the warrant.” I complain
    “If I thought we didn’t we wouldn’t be seeking a warrant besides the judge I’m sending you to Sherry Hastings she owes me a favour or two and she hates Mayor Georgia Cantell.” He explains but I’m still unsure.
    This is the Mayor of our city the political fallout alone if we he can prove our case scares me. I’m torn seek the warrant to get the proof or pretend I did and didn’t get the warrant.no I needed to do my job. I pick up the phone at my desk then decide there could be moles I needed to make a personal appearance on this one.
    As I enter the office a few minutes later I am hopeful this will all be over soon.
    “Madame I’m here to….”I begin before I am interrupted
    “I know why you’re here.” she states
    “Really?” I reply hopefully
    “So how are you covering my ass?” she asks
    “That’s why I’m here Madame Mayor we are about to toss your office your house and your car. Make sure they can find no proof we killed Terrence Whitby.” I command
    “Robert what would do without you?” She asks almost purring
    I open the door and go out listening at the door for what I know will be her reply.
    “So the hit is on. Despense Robert Salas tonight!” I hear through the door
    I take off my mike telling them it’s done. We have her. We can nail her to the wall. My chief is happy and I have a get out of jail free card. Life is good.

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